i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
