My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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