is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
