I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
