I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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