hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize