I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
