Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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