I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
