I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
