brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
we're so committed to being not committed
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
