We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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