the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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