dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I didn't shave. On purpose
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
