This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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