how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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