i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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