at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
