i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize