So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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