Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize