He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
