youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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