scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
