He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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