I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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