I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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