end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
