Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
