just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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