i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
