Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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