Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you would pick up someone in the library
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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