bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
