I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
