You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
