im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
