everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize