There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
