what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I touched a dick in church today
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
