Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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