my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
