Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
