So drunk its hurt
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
