Everything about him screamed your future.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
