You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
