you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
