I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
