I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
