and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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