so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
