it's like heaven, but drunker
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
