yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
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