took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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