This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just tell him i said nine months
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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