Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We got so high we made milksteak
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
