All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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