oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
