went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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