either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
