so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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