i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
