I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
