On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
