I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Its about making memories worth repressing
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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