I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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