I can tuck mytits in my pants
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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