i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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