Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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