yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
