I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize