OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
As shirtless as possible
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
