Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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