I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
